beware

before you call someone is lazy or loser for not doing stuff like you did, maybe you should not focus on yourself. not everyone want to show their stuff on public.

for example;
you call me loser just because you never saw me on cruise. hahaha beware.
you call me lazy just because you never saw me skiing and skateboarding. i did that for freaking 4 years. every yearrrr. why i am not doing it here? ski resort here not that nice and the fees is expensive.
you call us not concern just because we didnt express it like you expected it to be
you label me kedekut sebab tak nampak i shopping, excuse moi i need to save money and i get money only from the sponsor

why i never be expressive? because i always remind myself, everybody is not perfect. semua orang ada flaws masing2 sebab tu tak pernah nak marah. geram memang ada but then dia hilang macam tu je sebab tak simpan dendam. but the thing you did to us. bravo

From The Beginning Until Now

Since my early teenage year, I was the person who can't easily express my emotions. Living with various kinds of people at the boarding school taught me that I can't easily tell somebody they did something wrong because it was hard not to hurt their feelings. I grew up become the girl who didn't express my feelings; I love you, I miss you. Not that kind of person. And then when I saw my friend did something wrong or irritate me, I just can talk behind their back or just keep it to myself. People labeled me as secretive, not talkative, and obedience. I was taken aback when people said that I am obedient. No please, I was not.  I feel that there are bigger things that I have to take care of. Thank you. As the result, I was not that obedient with my parents (I can easily ask them back why I should do this and that), and I cry a lotttttt in front of my family members ( parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunties). That's why my dad thought that how can I handle myself at Buffalo living in small community. He got the point. You don't know what is lonely until you face them yourselves. trust me, I get paranoid when I heard people not getting along with their housemates or they are lonely. find support ASAP. orang takkan faham apa tu rasa kesunyian bila tak rasa. because of this lonely things, I learn to bear with people who easily hurting me errrdayyyy but still taking care of me, who knows my movement everydayyy. It was different a year ago, if I die pun nobody noticed (I'm serious). 

I write because I want to. Grammar Nazi please not here. I am writing at 5am without getting any sleep

8 April 2015/9 April 2015 ( 5:14am)

Hari ni aku tidur pukul 6 pagi mungkin. I need to put sleep at night on my to do list. so annoying when you cant get a good sleep on night. I figured out that if I didn’t fall asleep between after 3 then I will not sleep until the sun rise. Thank god for 11am class everyday. Helps me not to skip class. I am aware that my sluggishness during period is serious! feel really horrible. btw, the other reason why i can’t sleep early because there are so many things that I think about. For example, Fateh, Nadia, Quiz, HW submission and karipap thingy this Friday and my intern assignment. What lah. I need to chill. But i think it is because I really want everything to be perfect.I want to improve myself not to be last minute people. I always like that. When I tried to be better, there is something would trigger my mind that I need to be perfect, if not fail. I am worried ( worry=less sleep) when I can’t fulfill my own expectation ( expectation = study tak last minute) 

Need to do: 

Chill 

Tidur awal 

Work 

Prioritize ( Buat benda yang perlu diselesaikan dahulu) 

Pray to Allah to ease your mind and brain and your action

Kemas dapur ( my mind is not at ease when the dapur is like tongkang pecah. sebab nanti bangun pagi pissed off sangat) 

I just write because I want to

Assalamualaikum

how is life so far? I am doing good ! my place is in winter wonterland, 2nd snowiest city for 2014-2015. aha ! love love ! it is just annoying if I am late to class but other than that I am doing great because I love snow, so prettyy. I am holding on to many plans inside my mind. I start to learn with the quotes 'be careful what you wish for', because God really granted it. Trust me . I really want to have group project and presentation for my college life and yeah I got it this semester and freaked out but I hope I can do it ! :D

I have to think for a BIG plan for my life, oh man I am 23 for god sake this year. Better start to think what I want to do instead of being in the comfort zone, without any responsibility. But I must. I am in the midst of applying internship, applied to Petronas Lubricant Sdn Bhd. They called my mom's malaysian number and wanted to arrange an interview with me but then oh mannn I hope they will reply my email. I wanted to give a shot. InshaAllah. Other BIG thing, yes that thing but I will keep that in my mind and have other plan inshaAllah. This I pray hard too Amiin .

I really wanted to improve my plan with Allah. I really need a big fix. Feel that I had moved too far from Him. Forgive me ya Allah. you know my heart how much I wanted to do it but I don't know why I didn't do it . Then for my weight loss program. I managed to shed off some fats, or I lost 6kg but this weight stay with me for 2 years dah hahahahaha. I should start again before I gained more. Need to be 5kgs lighter fuhh what a big number

This summer, I am going to UK. Omg I just can't because it is a childhood dreams. Parent Trap and other movies that had influenced me to go to UK. Although I had this dream to travel around the world, I realized that I am not fit into it. I grow up to be a person who are not a fan of new challenge and possibilities. Yup that's me. I like to play it safe. I like to travel with my family, something I realized recently. How I miss my family when I go to some new place. Maybe because they are my comfort zone. The main reason I wanted to go UK is solely because of my friends who are graduating this year, this is the only time where I can visit UK with the free accommodation hahaha but seriously I am not sure when I can go there after this. But I am up to new excited things in UK, maybeeeeeee hahahhahaa I pray for this Amiinnnnnn.

Yes managed to write this much, I am proud of myself. I hope I can continue to write tomorrow about my day .